Best Friend

What’s good about today is that after almost 3 months, I get to have tea with my beautiful, loving best friend.

She didn’t walk away from me when I treated her bad. I knew what I was doing to her was not right; I walked away instead.

Many years ago, she said that I was her best friend. How could this be? I believed I wasn’t a very good friend and I didn’t accept it.

How could a person call me best friend when I treated her so disrespectfully?

Those words cannot be true.

She loved me.

She accepted all parts of me.

She didn’t judge me.

She didn’t want or expect me to change.

She only saw the good parts of me.

I had a belief if I treated my best friend with aggression and demanded change, she would change. You know she never did. She just looked at me with grace, love and compassion. She accepted me as I was. She understood that my words and aggressive nature were not my true self. She saw my true self. She saw my tender heart. I didn’t. She saw compassion in me that I couldn’t.

I changed. I made an effort to improve. To be better. To love and accept me. Through that, I loved and accept others, right where they are at.

I came to realize I cannot change others. I can only change myself.

When we reconnected 15 years later. I said sorry for the way I treated her. My heart was open and saw a beautiful woman that I had never stopped long enough to see.  I said to my best friend, “Were you always like this?” She said yes.

Before I changed, what I believed I saw in her, was weakness. She was my trigger. I was raised to believe that loving unconditionally was weakness. It was demanded of me that I become hard and protect myself against all that was love and goodness. My teacher, my mom, lived a life of fear, and she wanted me to feel and live the same way.

I was in a protective mode. Pushing people away, so they couldn’t hurt me. I made every attempt to awaken her. Oh, I did hurt her, and for that, I regret having damaged such a beautiful soul. It was hard, always having my protective, metal fence around my heart and soul. As it happened, I awakened me!

I am so very grateful for having this best friend come into my life. Being an angel of patience and holding a space of unconditionally love for me, when I couldn’t love myself.

Thank you - for always believing in me. For always supporting me on our amazing path to offer healing and support to those who so desperately needed it. For your patience of my demands and always doing what I asked with grace and love. For holding space to just let me discover what I was meant to. For not pushing me beyond the place I was in and letting me just be. Your patience and unconditional love allowed me to see what I was doing and strive to change my behaviours. You allowed me to figure it out.

She never wanted to change me to make herself feel better.

She loved me without expectations and still does. She tells me that she trusts me. After all this. What a beautiful soul! What a blessing to still have in my life.

Today I am grateful for all those who have crossed my path and taught me so much about myself. You have all been a blessing, thank you.